Darren was playing with the camera settings the other day and while I was sitting near the window watching Noah play, I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was taking pictures of me. I remember thinking "I bet I look really peaceful" - I even tried to look extra peaceful just for the picture.
Later that day I was looking at the images and saw something that disturbed me. I didn't really look peaceful in that pic at all - I looked... sad.
This in itself made me very sad.
Darren and I talked about it and agreed that even though I have recovered from my postpartum depression, there are still bits of residue left here and there. One of the areas it seems to have stuck is in my mind. Even though things are easier and I am happy, I often act as if things are still really hard. My mind feels like it should be overwhelmed when in actuality I'm feeling quite in control of things.
I need my mind to be renewed.
Thankfully, I can bring this before God and He is eager to help. He is in the business of renovation. In fact, He could produce "Extreme Makeover Mind Edition".
2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.
The word renew implies a restoration of what had become faded or disintegrated so that it seems like new. My mind and heart were surely disintigrated through my illness. The word is also synonymous with renovate, which suggests a renewing by cleansing, repairing, or rebuilding.
Anyone else out there need their inner-man cleansed, repaired and rebuilt?
So I have been asking God for grace and for a complete renewing of my mind and emotions - and Darren and I have seen a difference already.
Thanks be to God who doesn't leave us on this spinning planet without His Love, His Spirit, and His help.
1 comment:
I do! I do!
A friend and I were talking about this concept last week, about the need for a renewal of mental spirit so that we can be free of the ties that bind our minds. I find it truly does take a daily committment to seeking God specifically on this issue for us to open ourselves up so God can work.
Praying that you will find your mind continually renewed so that the joy at his walking you through and out of PPD will take over all parts of your life--body, mind, soul.
(OT: I really can't say thank you enough for your oh-so-kind encouragement and praise on my developing photography skills. It means a lot to hear that.)
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